Fag Hag Diary

Sticking it to Carmen


When I was just a little Fag Hag, I asked my mother, ‘What will I be?’ Here’s what she said to me. ‘Oh, do shut up, darling, mummy’s got a hangover from too much Paul Masson California carafe!’

One word of advice she did however manage to pass on was always turn the other cheek – preferably the one that’s got more bronzer on it.

I was reminded of her pearls of wisdom the other day after coming across a rather angry anderson review of my faggy fumblings. ‘You write terribly,’ gushed the kindly lady called Carmen on her day off from eating orphans and going on murder sprees before preparing to turn the gun on herself. ‘Cheap, nasty, infantile writing more suited to a blog than being printed. You’ve found your niche here.’ And what a glorious niche it is.

So, what have we learnt today people?… 

1). Perhaps the Archbishop of Canterbury needs to spend less time on the internet.

2). You can’t please all of the people all of the time – just ask anyone who’s had a fivesome

and 3). mamma was right – you have to turn the other cheek. So, I’m not even turning one cheek Carmen. I’m turning both of them. Right into your face – and you can kiss my white Fag Hag ass. 

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2 comments to “Fag Hag Diary”

  1. Kick her in the cunt, instead.

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  2. Notwithstanding Consuela’s sage and considered advice, isn’t this a blog you’re writing? She’s said you are suited to it. She paid you a compliment! Mebbe she’s too thick to get that?

    Anyhoo, I heard Carmen didn’t have the money for a kebab, so she ate out Iris Robinson on the top deck of a nightbus. She’s got nothing to crow about.

    She might have a little rash though – send her some cream, if she rubs it in it’ll go away

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