We don’t heart the new Love Hearts

'Be Mine and four other people's'

Call us creative content experts, but we reckon they’re missing a trick over at Love Hearts. They apparently did a competition so members of the great unwashed could come up with new legends to go on the already rather legendary sweeties. You know the ones with ‘Be Mine’, ‘Marry Me!’ and ‘What a Fuck Up!’ on?

And the best they could come up with? ‘Happy Harry’! And ‘Joyful Jo’! And many of the new ten come with GMTV-style heart-wrenching stories like ‘Heart Baby’ is dedicated to a baby called Elijah who had open-heart surgery. Squish squish.

Exqueeze us but that’s arse. What about ‘Bum Me’? Or ‘How you fixed 4 a 5some?’? or ‘Die Ulrika!’?

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6 comments to “We don’t heart the new Love Hearts”

  1. They’ve SO taken the fun out of Lovehearts, the retards. Sick-making, and not just after you’ve had seven packets in quick succession (as I have done in the past. On more than one occasion).

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  2. The whole point of the messages on Lovehearts is that they’re NOT personalised, in order that they can be appropriated by anybody – and that they’re fun. These are the sweet equivalents of the real-life pages in Closer magazine.

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  3. I would have preferred ‘Deep throat’ and ‘Fist me’.

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  4. ‘I fuck on the first date’ would be a good love heart. As would ‘i haven’t got the clap’

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  5. ‘Top’, ‘Bottom’ and ‘Versatile’ would also be good.

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  6. Oh, I didn’t know about this … can we belatedly add ‘cum bucket’ and ‘chem fuelled’.

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