Someone go and sit that Batmanda on the naughty step. Sateen-look cape and all. Honestly, whatever next Christian Charles Phillip Bale?
I mean, if you’ve been saddled with a hideousness mother like Sue Katona who tries to sell you to wolves in exchange for 20 Embassy Regals, then please feel free to let your fists fly as much as you like. But assaulting nice middle-class mums with aubergine hair and Nicole Farhi wedgies in taupe? It just don’t seem right.
‘He was provoked. He’s not normally like this,’ revealed a Brazilian child eating in an Angus Steak House near the Empire Leicester Square. ‘He was under a lot of strain after the death of Heath,’ said a man who once saw a trailer for Batman Forever in a Dubai cinema.
Of course! Why didn’t you say so earlier? It was all Heath Ledger’s fault, of course. Selfish bastard!