Fergie is a prostitute!

Look at them lovely lady lumps

Hang on one bogey-picking moment, we hear you say. She may dress like a prostitute, act like a prostitute, sing songs about her lady lumps like a prostitute but she can’t be an actual, you know, lady of the night.

And you’d be right. She’s just going to be acting the part of a prostitute after some crazy think-out-of-the-box casting director looked at the part in the movie Nine (it’s a musical so run for your lives) and thought, ‘Hmmm, who would be believable as a cheap slut?’

‘She’s basically a prostitute on the beach,’ says Ms Fergie of Saraghina, the lady she plays. ‘She introduces [Daniel Day Lewis] to a world of sexuality. I’m just thrilled I get to play a character.’

So, a duet between Daniel Day Lewis and Fergie! We’re saying nothing. 

Actually, we are saying, ‘Oh, my god, it’s going to be messy.’ 

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