Fag Hag Diary

How will I know? Monday

The Fag Hag got chatted up by a real-life man on Friday night.

He was quite a handsome man. He was quite a young man. We really likee (straight men over 35 are only good for two things, I’ve decided: doing your taxes and defending you in court). He was a man with a fabulous haircut (think Franz Ferdinand synth-pop flick meets WH Auden) and a reassuringly taut frame in a skinny jean.

He was even quite an honest man: ‘Can we go out on a date?’ he asked on his phone message. ‘Although I feel I should warn you first, I have a small willy.’ (Well, at least he bothered to warn me, which is more than I can say for some…)

So, go already, I hear you cry. What’s stopping you, you neurotic insania Fag Hag? Well, there’s just one teensy catch… 

My gaydar is flashing like a rent boy in The Pleasuredrome. And my gaydar is the best in the business. Maybe it’s a Russell Brand thing. Maybe it’s a bog-standard metrosexual thing. Or maybe it’s a trusses in The Hoist thing. 

Anyway, I intend to get to the bottom of it. Help me my pretties. As La Houston once wailed, ‘How will I know if he really loves boys?’ 

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5 comments to “Fag Hag Diary”

  1. More importantly, can you go out with him if he has a small willy?

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  2. Yeah, but you just know a man who says he has a small willy pre-first date actually has a zeppelin in his loins.

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  3. I think anyone who brags about having a small willy has a large willy. That’s me speaking from experience. Looooots of experienc.e

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  4. In which case, I too have a small willy.

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  5. If Peaches can land a man so can you……

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