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Let’s have… a VPL moment. Oh okay.

Is that a penis in your trunks...

So the tattoo’s totally ridic and there appears to be slight drippage on the top rim of the trunk in no less than three places *reaches over with a Lotus Thirst Pocket*, and the string bit on the right (his left) is a bit dolly, but the rest is enjoyment. And we feel is much needed after a day of lesbetronic tragedy. The trunks, incidentally, are from Rufskin, and the modelette gennelman wearing them looks like this when you zoom out… *insert drum roll; drop ‘trou* (more…)

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‘Being a lesbian killed my mother’

*squish squish* Our workie isn’t happy because for the second time today he’s on his knees clearing up our caffeinated spillage after we read what is the second best headline of the day. This time we didn’t mis-read. Miriam Margolyes really did say that, or something along said lines.

‘Pparently the legendary actress who happens to be of a lesbos nature, blames her mother’s death on her coming out. Chitter chattering on BBC radio 4’s Desert Island Discs *hums that lovely tune* she said: ‘When I told my mother that I had had an affair with a woman, she had a stroke about three days later.’


She went on: ‘It caused the person I loved most in the world a pain she could not bear, and I have to take the responsibility for that.’

*weeps a bit*

Ooh, biscuits…

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‘Ooh, Misty, is it 4 o’clock on the nose already and we’ve still not had a sing-song?’

Chin in, please...

Oh-I. And today, lads and gens, we’ll mostly be singing/humming along to Johnny Mathis, and his touching ditty, ‘Misty’. And at the same time wondering how on earth he manages to enunciate words without actually opening his mouth. He’s like that Orville, he is. (more…)

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How Gullible Do You Think We Are? #7,489

For realz?

This is Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel (anyone else keep getting her confused with Jessica Alba?) in Rome. Engaged in an impromptu embrace. They had no idea anyone else was on the same deserted Roman street, m’Lord. Or, as the Daily Mail put it, ‘there was nothing staged about the unselfconscious moment’.

*makes very fast car screeching to a sudden halt sound*

(NB. We know we’ve done that already today, but needs must.)

So, all things considered, we would like to re-phrase that comment up there.

‘There was everything staged about this totally self-conscious moment.’

ps. Who actually kisses someone like they’re in Brief Encounter?

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How Gullible Do You Think We Are? #1

Don't look at me, I'm shy!

You know us, never ones to fall for retarded PR stunts…

*ooh, free shiny thing arrives by attractive courier. For free. No moneys were exchanged. Rien. Nada. Freeeeeeeeeeeeeee: Must be good*

Anyways, we’ve decided to rename our observations of said PR stunts as ‘How Gullible To You Think We Are?’ and give each a number because a) we think it makes them user friendly and if you’re a Virgo you can make nice neat lists out of them and b) it brings to mind that show, ‘Who Do You Think You Are’ in which famouses trace their ancestry whilst we stand back in awe. Therefore rendering it topical. We learnt that in the journalism school we didn’t go to. Yes, we learnt the hard way.

Anyway, back to the case in point. It would be very easy to start this new series of pertinent observations with any one of the 73,000 stories about X Factor that get leaked to the press on an hourly basis – you know, ‘Cheryl threatens to quit’, ‘Dannii’s jealous of Cheryl’, ‘Cheryl demands pay-rise’, ‘Cheryl and Dannii are bumming’, that sort of thing – but no, we’ll start with national treasure and sausage in a cardigan, Fern Britten.

Fern Britten has, days after having her contract with Ryvita low-fat snackage renewed, been photographed lumping a newly-purchased exercise bike from vehicle to house. Or vice versa. By her very self. It’s evidence of her (only-as-part-of-a) healthy lifestyle, see. Things to make a note of about this include… (more…)

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Fag Hag Diary

Time of the month.

The Fag Hag had an ego-bruising incident in Boots yesterday.

As the reasonably cute looking young Indian guy on the till was efficiently bagging up my family sized boxes of Tampax and Make-Up Remover Wipes for Very Mature Skin, he asked if I wanted to fill out a form for a new Advantage card. Aware of the tutting, watch-tapping queue forming behind me I decided there was nothing I would like better than to prolong their agony so set about writing down my address, marital status and horror of horrors, date of birth. (more…)

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An hilarious (note ‘an’ not ‘a’. We’re traditionalists) cat moment, to see us through the credit crunch. Or should that be Credit Crunch? Is it a proper noun now, or what? Innit.


Jump for the business. Oh go on, you’ve got fuck all to lose. Except around 15 seconds of your life. (more…)

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Emma Thompson? J’adore.

Should-be-Dame Emma T

Last night saw the premiere of Brideshead Revisited

It was the premiere of Brideshead Revisited last night

Brideshead Revisited premiered last night in London’s glittering Chelsea, and Emma Thompson – star withinside said moving picture – had rather a lovely time.

The Daily Mail – never knowingly nice about anyone – naturally had to put a negative spin on it, accusing Dame Emma of ‘stealing the show’, whereas in fact she was just having what is known in the business as a laugh.

*chortles, whilst nodding sagely*

Oh and guess what, we’re looking forward to Brideshead Revisited more than lots of other things. So much so, that we shunned screenings of the free kind in order to group book the Everyman in London’s green and pleasant Hampstead so, you know, it’s like a family event thing with drinks, nibbles and waiter service. You can even get a banquette in there, out the back on the mezzanine level, but going off experience we’d suggest sticking to the ground (and cheaper) level, just ’cause out the back is a little bit too far out the back and for some necessitates squinting. 

Back to Brideshead Revisited. GMTV started off its reporting of last night’s premiere with, ‘You’ve seen the TV show, you’ve read the book…’

*makes very fast car screeching to a sudden halt sound*

Now do exsqueeze us and all, but for some reason we’ve got a hunch that not many of GMTV’s loyal watchership has ever actually read an Evelyn Waugh. Like we say, just a hunch.

Anyways, we’re wet-weeing over the ‘citement of it all, white-weeing over Matthew Goode and Ben Wishaw (the former a bit more, admittedly) who also star withinside, and have the trailer on a loop. Oh look, here it is…! Uncanny. (more…)

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