Today the Fag Hag has been mostly loving the story of the cheating husband, Geoffrey Fitch, who sued his mistress to reclaim ‘£3,000 worth of gifts’ after they broke up. Of course, the chances of any judge ruling in his favour were about as unlikely as the X Factor producers not using ‘You Raise Me Up’ as a soundbed after the words, ‘You’re through to the next round…’ But it got a girl a-thunkin’, how genius would it be if you could actually sue your exes for retrospective refunds?
I totted it up and so far I’m due to be recompensed for at least five Paul Smith scarves (and there they were thinking they were special), taxis, cinema tickets, obscenely expensive bar bills and the damage to my reputation after having to spend the day in a police station giving a witness statement (oh, come on! Who hasn’t got a Lotto rapist rattling about in their black book somewhere?)
But where the real moola comes in? Sex! At least 1000 blow jobs – at a street rate of £30 a pop that’s about £30,000! Because after all, as Samantha herself says, ‘Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.’