Who’s top?

Cliff Richard - who Jesus wants for a sunbeam - has spoken in his new autobiography of his close friendship with a male man with whom he shares his life.

What, bumming?

In the closest thing we’ve ever come across (Clifford, stop putting words in our mouths!) to him admitting he’s a big old gay, the Peter Pan of Pop (sorry. But we’d already used Clifford in that sentence) has spoken about his close ‘companionship’ with John McElynn, a former priest (Cliff, you dirty bastard!), whom he met on a trip to New York in 2001. John gave up the cloth soon after. Oh really.

‘He hadn’t thought at the beginning of giving up the priesthood, but when it became clear he was thinking of the possibility, I suggested he might help me with some charitable projects.’

What, bumming?

‘He has become a companion, which is great because I don’t like living alone, even now.’

What, bumming?

Talking of bumming, this is what Cliff has to say on the matter of same-sex gaying, again as can be found in his autobiography, My Life, My Way, out now. Borders, Waterstone’s, that sort of thing.

Who said ‘out’?

‘Same sex marriages are perhaps a modern example of how things have changed.’

Perhaps a modern example? You don’t beat around the bush, do you dolly?

Who said ‘beat around the bush’?

Oh there’s more:

‘Gone are the days when we assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women.’

(He’s catching on quick!)

‘It seems to me that commitment is the issue and if anyone comes to me and says, “This is my partner - we are committed to each other,” then I don’t care what their sexuality is.’

And as for the media constantly speculating he’s a big old gay (now c’mon, people, that’s just low), he doth sayeth (note the biblical language) the following:

‘I am sick to death of the media’s speculation about it. What business is it of anyone else’s what any of us are as individuals? I don’t think my fans would care either way.’

And in probably the most shocking revelation of the whole thing, Cliff Richardsssssssssss admitted he almost proposed to *insert drum roll please* Sue Barker off-of Question of Sport.