Some frankly sick news has reached us that Urika-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt Jonsson is in line to replace Fiona Phillips on GMTV.
The retards at the ITV1 breakfast show have decided that Ulrika, never knowingly not looking like a cunt the size of the Le Pont de Normandie, would be the perfect dirty trout to revive the show in the wake of Fiona’s imminent departure.
Here’s a quote. You know, from GMTV:
‘Fiona’s departure is a blow, but this gives us a chance to give the whole show a spring clean. Ulrika is perfect – beautiful and intelligent, with an ability to laugh at herself.’
We didn’t know Stevie Wonder was now producing GMTV. We also didn’t know Ulrika Jonsson had an ability to do anything, let alone laugh at herself. Word up, Ulrika – take that baggy arse of yours and wrap it round your neck sort of taut, but not too taut… we’ll hold a prize draw for which lucky person gets to do the final yank. Talk about a thrilling denouement.
ps. Ooh, love a raffle.
pps. Tell GMTV just how much of a cunt you think Ulrika is, and that if they give her a job not only will you boycott the show, but those poor children won’t get anything.