Time to Semtex the GMTV sofa, kids.

Ulrika. :-(

Some frankly sick news has reached us that Urika-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt Jonsson is in line to replace Fiona Phillips on GMTV.

The retards at the ITV1 breakfast show have decided that Ulrika, never knowingly not looking like a cunt the size of the Le Pont de Normandie, would be the perfect dirty trout to revive the show in the wake of Fiona’s imminent departure.

Here’s a quote. You know, from GMTV:

‘Fiona’s departure is a blow, but this gives us a chance to give the whole show a spring clean. Ulrika is perfect – beautiful and intelligent, with an ability to laugh at herself.’

We didn’t know Stevie Wonder was now producing GMTV. We also didn’t know Ulrika Jonsson had an ability to do anything, let alone laugh at herself. Word up, Ulrika – take that baggy arse of yours and wrap it round your neck sort of taut, but not too taut… we’ll hold a prize draw for which lucky person gets to do the final yank. Talk about a thrilling denouement.

ps. Ooh, love a raffle.

pps. Tell GMTV just how much of a cunt you think Ulrika is, and that if they give her a job not only will you boycott the show, but those poor children won’t get anything.

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13 comments to “Time to Semtex the GMTV sofa, kids.”

  1. Oh for fuck’s sake, how will I get my dose of anodine bollocks of a morning now??? Please don’t say I’ll have to go over to Sky and watch that Honey Monster Eamonn Holmes…….

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  2. Why do people insist on giving this woman work? And I use woman in the loosest sense of the word.

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  3. If this homophobic cunt gets a job on GMTV, let’s start a campaign to boycott GMTV…

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  4. Vile, vile, vile, vile, vile pig.

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  5. Horrible woman. They wouldn’t dream of employing a racist, but a homophobe?? Welcome to the GMTV sofa…

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  6. Thing is, you know Ulrika hates gays and doesn’t want her children seeing gayness on TV, what will she make of Richard Arnold? Do you think she’ll insist on his telly slot being axed in case her children catch gay off-of it?

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  7. Remember when Cunt was on TV:AM? I wanted someone to sniper her then…

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  8. One minute you think she’s out of your life the next thing she’s all over you like a dirty flannel. Next she’ll be up for Carol’s job on Countdown. Urgh. Please can this not be true.

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  9. Richard Arnold’s not gay. Don’t be ridiculous. When have you ever heard him say he was gay?

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  10. Urlka is a bad, bad, bad person. And a cunt.

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  11. i’m from across the pond, so i’ve never heard of this TV show, but i’ve never laughed at a ‘press release’ so much. can you use the word ‘cunt’ again please? lol

    but i’m horrified that any mainstream TV show would hire someone with her disgusting and very public gay bashing opinion, ESPECIALLY with all the current actual gay bashing and murdering i’ve read about in the London area.

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  12. Shes the last one to comment on a persons sexualiy. she has had more cock than anyone as well as destroying an innocent mans life. i agree she is a cunt

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  13. […] Maybe GMTV will employ her, m’lord. […]

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