Love is in the air! (Or is it the Febreze I use on my hair in between washes.) Anyway, hurrah for Gary Lineker and a lady who wears bras for a living getting engaged! So many acrylic nails to buy and common relatives in Debenhams dresses to forget to invite! But don’t panic Gary, there’s only one important thing to remember before the big day, and that’s hauling your ass over to a lawyers to sign that pre-nup.
Sorry to break up the little party by shitting all over the cupcakes but please – when it comes to gold digging, this girl would leave Kanye West speechless – we got ourselves a true pro.
You see, fact fans, Gary is worth £30 million. Lady who wears bras for a living is worth zero pounds. Gary is nearly 50, lady who wears bras is still in her 20’s. Gary has had one happy marriage to a civilian, but lady who wears bras has previous form with a C list footballer and a C list rugby player (she left them both after forgetting to read that little clause after ‘for richer’, that says ‘for poorer’, silly thing!)
And finally, lady who wears bras has given up her job as an air hostess because she’s been photographed so many times on the beach flaunting her boobies and vajajay – damn those paps who always know where to find her in gloss, earrings and a thong! – she’s now a real-life underwear model.
So Gary? I hope you have all you dreamed of. I wish you joy and happiness, but above all, I wish you…would get on the phone to Fiona Shackleton, pronto.