Cliff sets record straight. And yes we mean ’straight’ in a Daily Mail non-gay pun way. Ooh that rhymes. Oh look, something shiny.

It would seem that lady Clifford Richard is getting all hot and (face?) bovvered(?) over the allegations that he’s a big old bum boy, as hinted in his almost tell-all but not actually tell-much autobiography.

He’s been telling thems that will listen why he has spent the majority of his breathing life living with men (yes real live ones with penises and everything). He spent 30 years sharing a bed house with Bill Latham, a religious type (aren’t they all?) before Billy boy moved out and John McElynn - another religious type - moved in. Probably in more ways that one. We said probably. Cliff spoketh…

‘I don’t like living alone, so it’s nice if someone is there with me. I don’t like travelling alone, being alone, eating alone, doing anything alone.’

This may or may not include sexual acts.

He also explained how ‘there were three people in this marriage’. Apparently he coined that phrase way before Lady Di Di did…

‘When Bill and I lived together, there were always stories about what people suspected our real relationship was, but what nobody realised was that his girlfriend was living with us, too. Nobody asked about that - not that it was anyone else’s business. They just thought: “Uh-oh, two guys living together.”

Uh-oh.