We like Cheryl.
We love the way she smears away a tear with her French Manicured finger every time a builder with cheap highlights sings, ‘You Raise Me Up’ to his recently departed Alsatian. We love the way she silenced the ghastly Tranny Woodall during last year’s Celebrity Apprentice by innocently enquiring, ‘Do ya think you might ‘ave got some of that OCD thing, pet?’ And we love the way she tells the hideousness pit bull in a prom dress, Lilet Allen, to ‘shut up and stop feeling sorry for herself’. But Cheryl has now gone and done something that even Frank Spencer would call, ‘a liddle bit silly’. She’s announced nobly that she wants Ashley to feel like he’s a ‘free spirit’.
Honey, why don’t you just book him a Travelodge hotel room and slip on the condom while you’re at it…?