Ladies and gentleladies, to kick off this sunny Thursday morning we bring you a tale of anguish, pain and loss…
Picture this people. You go into hospital and expect a simple in-and-out procedure of the sadly non-sexual kind. You roll into theatre nicely sedated, with one of those anesthetic dollies promising you strawberry ice cream and full-fat milk when you wake up (we may be reverting to a far-distant childhood memory by the way. Ooh Wham bars…).
And then you wake up, and instead of admiring your nicely circumcised front bottom, there is, shock horror, nothing left to admire. Yes, you heard us. ‘Full removal of penis’. We’re almost fainting into our mid-morning cappuccinos just thinking about it.
And this, we can reveal, is a True Story real-life-fact-fans. Apparently the man in question hath ‘lost the enjoyment of life’ and will now commence a full sue-your-ass lawsuit. Sadly though, this won’t bring back his very vital organ, and we’re guessing he won’t be keen to head back into surgery for a reconstruction of the area.
*heads off to loo to check own very vital organ (is still there, people. Is still there…)*