Oh crap. Just when you thought it was safe to remove the family filter from your ibook, up pops something on the interweb even more offensive than Chris Langham’s hard-drive. I am of course talking about GOOP – the ‘lifestyle’ website brought to us by reigning queen of Cuntlandia, Gwyneth.
Here is a sample selection of Gwyneth’s musings, which she decided to unleash on the world during the worst financial world crisis in recent history. ‘My life is good because I am not passive about it’. No, your life is good because you are a spoilt bitch born into a wealthy family who spends her days having Reiki and eating swan sandwiches. ‘I love being in spaces that are clean and feel nice’ . Hmmn. Never heard Chris Martin’s asshole described quite that way before…
Gwyneth tells us she is just bursting with advice for us over the coming months. Such as, ‘a good place to eat in London.’ That’ll be a must-read for mums in scrunchies on sink estates in Sheffield. ‘Where to stay when you’re in Austin’. Oh Gwynnie, you read our minds – we were just pondering that fact whilst trying to forcibly prevent the baliffs from entering and lacerating our kneecaps with a baseball bat over our unpaid gas bill.
But don’t despair, Gwynnie is here to help with yet more life-coaching advice. ‘Go to a city you’ve never been to!’ Great – you paying? There’s a credit crunch on love – most people can’t even afford to go to the frozen food aisle at Iceland. And finally we learn that she’ll be sharing with us ‘the recipe I made up this week’.
Or as Marie-Antoniette might say today – let them eat coriander.