Ooh, we love finding new places to put our jewellery…

That’s a lie. We’re not hwaaage on jewellery. We’ve had our moments, here, there, around the neck and in the ear when we were 16, but who’-no more.

And whilst we’re on the subject, those frankly eugh! stretch earring things that are all the rage right now. We hated them when the fashion easties starting wearing them whenever they started wearing them (nb It’s one thing wearing something that makes you look ugly just ’cause it’s fashion, but quite another when said ugly thing actually scars you for life. A friend of ours saw the error of his ways a couple of months ago - mostly because his check-out girl down Morrisons was wearing one and it shook him to his avant garde core - but is now left with an ear that looks like a Spaniel’s, complete with vagina-like slit), but now you’re seeing them everywhere (Levi’s adverts, middle class girl in Wagamamas…), we je deteste them even more.

Eugh, we tell you, eugh.

Rant? Finit.

So, like, this. It’s a piece of jewellery that looks like a tear. In fact-age, it’s part of a range of jewellery - including crystals and flowers - that hang off a wire attached to a contact lens.

*weeps real-life tear, not one attached to a wire hanging off a contact lens*

It’s a bit weird, and you’ll just have random strangers coming up to you all the time thinking you’ve got an eyelash/bit of dinner/growth on your cheek, trying to brush it away. That could get irritating.

Eugh, we tell you, eugh.