Please say it ain’t so! Blonde witchypoo lady Madonna and her sausage fingered husband (who looks like he was slightly starved of oxygen at birth) have officially called the whole thing off. ‘It’s so over they need a new word for over,’ said an elderly Sri Lankan lady who once rode on a bus featuring an ad for Revolver on her way back from the pound shop. ‘ The rows are tearing them apart – the material girl has had enough,’ said the Emeritus Professor of English at Emanuelle College Cambridge. In these sad times it’s nice to know that at least one person will be feeling uplifted by today’s news, cracking open the champagneee and getting DJ’s to crank up the chorus of ‘Where’s the Party’ – why lucky old Mr Guy Ritchie of course.