X Factor chunkster living in a car. What, a Hummer?

Is it a plane...?

You know us, we’re very liberally minded. So much so, when Hot Homeless off-of the glittering gutters of Soho shouted out at us the other day, ‘I’d like to fuck you!’ we responded with a cordial, ‘Well certainly, so long as you sort your teeth out, shower and get a job first.’ We see people, not social situations.

So we’ve never had a problem with the fatty who thought she could sing like Sealion Dion from last year’s X Factory. When Simon Cowell told her she was delusional and her parents ought to be ashamed of themselves for giving her false hope we didn’t shout at our HD screens, ‘Yeah, and stop eating Quavers and Twix bars for breakfast as well, Honey Monster!’ Oh no. And when Fatty off-of last year’s X Factory wobbled off-of our screens in the manner of a can of Corned Beef, we didn’t shout, ‘Yeah, and your parents should be shot for turning you into the size of East Anglia!’ Oh no.

We said, ‘Poor girl. Bet she wishes she was slim.’

So it’s with great regret that we inform you that Fatty off-of last year’s X Factory is now living in a car. Otherwise known as a vehicle.

Emma Chawner (she has a name?!) has been forcibly removed from her council house in Lancashire (that’s the north of England, for those who don’t know. Manchester used to be a part of it until it thought better of itself) – along with her family – for being a nuisance. T’seems 19-year-old Emma’s incessant chantuese-ing was the final Cheese Straw for her neighbours, who together lodged 134 complaints about ‘singing late at night’ and ‘loud noises’. The council eventually made the decision to chuck ’em out on their Stuffed Crust Pizza-laden asses.

C’mon, that’s very…

:-(

Now let’s point, laugh, and feel a mixture of horror and pity whilst watching Emma Chawner’s X Factory audition all. Over. Again.

 

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12 comments to “X Factor chunkster living in a car. What, a Hummer?”

  1. She needs that gastric band off-of Fern Britten.

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  2. I love how the still image on the clip is the fatty family just about standing without the aid of a cane, all with their fingers crossed! Hahaha. So evil… but so funny.

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  3. I hear you MMM… we’re not laughing at her for being fat, we’re ridiculing her ridiculous parents for making her that way…. and then encouraging a complete lack of talent. BAD PARENTS!

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  4. urgggggggggggggggggggggggggh.. the more I read this blog the more I hate the southern twats who are writing it….

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  5. How do you know they’re southern? It seems to me they’re actually being complementary about Manchester, if one reads between the lines. If you know whatta mean….

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  6. As a fully fledged northerner living in London, I find myself concuring with 99% of what they have to say. The other 1% is the stuff I miss whilst flicking off to Jeremy Kyle.

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  7. why is she wrapped in curtains?

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  8. … and proud!

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  9. Bless …

    If she lost a bit (okay, a lot), fixed ‘er teeth and stopped shopping at St Helens Hefty Hide-Away Tent & Awning, she might look alright actually.

    Wot? I see the best in people!

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  10. More curtains with a big pelmet is the way forward

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  11. Take to wearing a Burqa and apply for a muting operation on the NHS – the only way forward for her.

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  12. Sorry, cancel that. Harpoon it. And the family too.

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