Fag Hag Diary

No trick, treat if you're lucky...

This week the Fag Hag is getting ready for her most favouritest night of the year when all the goths, ladies in nylon witchy costumes and lotto rapists come out to play – hurrah!

This year, though, the Faggy won’t be loitering around Camden Tube station with a Snakebite and Black in hand because an invitation has snaked it’s way into my little box for a rather special Halloween fancy dress bash.

So what the Hell’s Kitchen does a lady wear to a goddam do like this?

I don’t do green face paint (Grotbags tends to be something of a cock blocker I find), I don’t do shapeless white sheets on my bottom half (let’s leave that to Tory MPs’ wives shall we) and I don’t do blood stains on my clothes (it all reminds me a little too much of my childhood). So I have settled upon… Fenella Fielding from Carry On Screaming of course. And if any other bitch has the same idea she’s getting a Halloween shocker of her own – a red hot poker across the cheek…

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