It’s Election Night and I forgot to order the red, white and blue cupcakes that are so necessary, along with the bunting that festoons every political event – you know, those ruffles that prove you are, ulp, patriotic?
And everybody is having a party – Americans but actually mostly the Brits who act like they can vote because they are voting with their ‘heart’. Uh, excuse me, but you don’t have a vote: you’re a ferener. And wouldn’t you know just before Election Night I was visited upon by a conspiracy theorist who told me that Obama, when elected, will be shown to have been born in Kenya and therefore, like Ah-nold, not allowed to be president. Then Bush will enact an unknown law and stay in office, enacting martial law and injecting everyone with microchips. (There’s also another planet in our solar system and Facebook is run by the CIA. Who knew?) Now there’s something to think about while you read your paperback science fiction novel.
But seriously, expect the streets to be filled with more rampant behaviour than the World Cup. And, on the social side, if you’re a lonely person, throw an Obama Party tonight. And if you’re a bastard, throw a McCain Party. You’ll have the shortest list of friends by Christmas.