Nowhere else could a lady get down and slurp on* some man’s cock on public transport and not be reprimanded by the general public travelling on said transport.
* Well, we say ‘slurp on’ but it was reported that she actually performed a ‘sex act’, which we can only assume was suckage. How boring would a train-ride wank be?
A ‘Source’ told The Sun the couple were ‘going at it like an express engine’. Conveniently catchy, no? Is there a chance that ‘Source’ could have in fact been a member of The Sun editorial team (yes, apparently they do have one). Surely not.
Another genuine passenger (and we know this because trusty Aunty told us. That is the BBC to non-Britishers) said, presumably in a comedy Eurotrash northern voice: ‘Neither of them were drunk and this was early afternoon. Being typically British, the other passengers said nothing and hid behind their papers.’
No-one would have said or done anything had the train driver not caught them on CCTV and called the police – presumably after knocking one out for the boys.
To mark this amusing act of public sex, of which we wholeheartedly celebrate, we’ll mostly be performing acts of public sex to Justify My Love, by you-know-you, whose suitable lyrics include ‘I want to make love in a train, cross country’. Ooh, ain’t we clever.