Look at big gay* Stephen Gately and his big gay boyfriend, er, ‘Stephen Gately’s boyfriend’.

Would you just go and take a look at Stephen Gately and his lovely male boyfriend. It brings a tear to your eye, maybe even a white one to your other eye in some cases, and it’s all the more poignant and therefore teary because this image, ladies and gennels, is taken from the video to Boyzone’s new single, ‘Better’, in which all the members of the band have a little Strictly Cometh… moment with their respective partners. Hence this. 

‘So what?’ screeches madam from the corner. Well, madam, that’s why you’re in the corner and not participating in the fun like the rest of us - it’s called normalisation of bumming, and the sooner ‘tards like, ooh, those Moomins Mormons and half of California realise gays are real life human beings too and what they get up to in the bedroom is fuck all to do with them, they may be able to stop taking the Xanax…. Ooh, Xanax!

‘Better’, incidentally, which we had a little hum along to mere hours ago on Her Majesty’s BBC Radio the Second without actually realising what it was, is out on 8th December. Hooray!

*Before anyone comes out on a bag on us, we’re allowed to say that. This is for why, in a two-part answer:

a) ‘Big gay’ is not derogatory. ‘Big gay’ is actually a compliment. We can’t tell you how many readers’ letters we get - daily, wudchabelieve - telling us how they wished they were big and gay. Or even just gay and big.

b) Even if it was derogatory (which it isn’t. Word up, ladies - using the word ‘gay’ as a term of abuse, be that in the playground or a BBC studio, is so, like, totally yesterday. Find something new. You know, like, ‘that’s so Miley Cyrus’ or ‘that’s so cunty’ or ‘that’s so Catholic’. They like the word ‘cunty’ in most schools. In fee-paying ones they positively encourage it).