Look at our handsome boy in the jungle! By which we mean man. By which we mean Brian Paddick’s got his arse out. Hoorah!

It’s been, what, two days and already Brian’s worked out what his USP is. Nudity.

Thus, therefore and as a result, he showered in the all-together for us to frig over last night, the result of which is after the break. The result of the nude shower, not the frig. That would be, you know, weird. And yes, that is an interdolly technique to make you go ‘click’. Clicks mean points, see, and points mean prizes.

In the meantime, some readers of the Daily Mail’s interdolly site (it’s good to know what the haters are getting their dirty nylons in a twist about) are none too happy about a former senior policeman taking a shower in the nude. Yes, the nude. Who’d've thunketh it that people showered in the nude. How modern. We give you exhibit du wanker #1:

‘Is it any wonder that the British Police are now a laughing stock. Senior officer! Do me a favour. He’s a disgrace to his former uniform.’
Stephen Smith, Jalon, Spain

a) Why is taking a shower in any way a disgrace to his former uniform? Had he have taken a shower in his former uniform (which he still has, incidentally. He told us, accompanied by a wink. Ooh la la) whilst being rogered by a tranny in seven-inch hooker shoes, then maybe that could be construed as being slightly disrespectful to ‘his former uniform’… but taking a shower?

b) Since when have the British Police been a laughing stock, hmmmn? Arguably the most respected in the world (oooh, get us), and better than the rep of the Spanish police (beaten to a pulp for being gay, much?).

And c) and d).

ps. Back to Brian’s tush. S’nice. And s’yes we’ve touched it. Don’t tell anyone.