Where we’re from, 30 is the new 18, where flight (and fuck) of fancy rules supreme, but according to the cunt bible which goes by the name The Daily Mail, 30 is too old to be out and about doing one’s job.
Or so say all of thems that criticised Katie Price who earlier this very day launched her new lingerie range in Essix’s glittering Asda. Guess what? She was wearing said lingerie to the launch. Guess what? That’s what one does when promoting a product. One promotes it by wearing it, eating it, drinking it, playing it and smelling of it.
The geriatric Katie and all other 30-year-old women of the world should surely be wearing ankle length denim skirts teamed with a ribbed Peacocks polo neck, with hair tied in a diamante lined velvet scrunchie. And preferably staying at home, watching Jeremy Kyle and crying to the real life stories in Pick Me Up magazine while exhausting herself doing the TV Quick crossword.
Only the other day warty Liz Jones asked ‘Why can’t Gwyneth Paltrow just dress her age?’ We ask, ‘Why can’t Liz Jones just shut her fat, female-hating, age-fascist, trout-face?’
Anyway, points to note from today’s lecture are…
a. Katie Price looks fantastic, fact.
2. Liz Jones is a rotten old cunt, fact.
Trios. The purple tomato is the new red tomato, fact.
And c. and d.