Et voila! The latest ish of Details, the magazine we used to love but don’t love as much as we used to ’cause it’s not as good as it used to be, but we still kinda, you know, love, ’cause it’s still pretty good.
Let’s go through the cover lines, with a pen and a pencil and a pencil-sharpener:
a) ‘Tom Cruise and the 40 Most Influential Men Under 47’? ie. Tom Cruise is 46. Were he 82, it’d be ‘Tom Cruise and the 40 Most Influential Men Under 81’. Were he three, it would be ‘Tom Cruise and the 40 Most Influential Men Under Two’. Were he he a cock, it’d be, ‘Tom Cruise and the 40 Most Influential Men Under His Cock.’ Oh.
2) ‘How To Get By On Less Sleep’? Xanax.
Trois) ‘The Most Dangerous Vacation In The World’? Dubai.
Four) ‘Are you becoming the man your mother divorced’? No, we’re just becoming our mother.
iv) ‘The new rules of denim’? It’s all about B*witched. You know, denim on denim.
last one) ‘How to drop a dress size in a day?’ Starvation plus diuretics.**
ps. One of these may or may not actually be on there.
*It’s a Will ‘n’ Grace joke, Thomas, before you get all humourless on our back bottoms. Again. No really, that has to stop. Seriously. It’s getting embarrassing.
**This is by no means an endorsement of starvation plus diuretics. That would be simply irresponsible.