You may have noticed, we’re not ones for religion. It’s a waste of everyone’s time and really, just really, anyone whose belief system is based upon a work of fiction really ought to take a one-way ticket to the Funny Farm, without passing go but possibly picking up a slap in the face for bad behaviour along the way. It’s all rather silly, very retarded, and if you are going to choose a nice piece of fantasy upon which to base your moral code, let it be a Terry Pratchett or a Philip Pullman, who are nice sorts of people and don’t go in for the oppression thing.
Speaking of which, some dirty Catholics in Poland are calling for a boycott of our beloved IKEA. When we say beloved, it wasn’t beloved when we were dodging Swedish meatballs and scrunchies at the Tottenham branch last Saturday whilst shopping for a high-design/low-price storage system when – upon scanning the gathered clientele – it dawned on us why some people choose to emigrate. So no, it wasn’t a particularly gay day. The only gays there were in man-mades and had asymmetric hair.
Back-in-the-room… So, yes, these dirty Catholics in Poland. They’re all in a tizz because IKEA have pictures of same-sex couples – f-yes, one and the same – in their brochures. Which is just crazy, obviously. It’s like including the sun in a picture of the sky or a bit of grass in a Turner landscape or a twist in a vodka martini… you know, it doesn’t really matther how much you stick your sausage fingers in your ears and go ‘raaaah-raaaah-raaaah-raaaaaaaaah’, it’s all part of life and you either learn to get on nicely or just get thee to a nunnery and live the rest of your days flicking off to Trisha.
So who wants to hear some up-tight Polish Catholic getting all queeny about IKEA? Yey…!
‘I would not like to cease doing shopping in IKEA [doing shopping?!] but if the firm does not stop promoting homosexual relationships, I will, unfortunately, feel compelled to do so and I will notify about it all the people I know [notify about it all the people?!] so that they do the same.’
An interdolly site, Fronda.pl, is leading the boycott. It’s editor, Grzegorz Gorny, who we think put in our new toilet the other day before bending over and asking for a good bumming, did quoth the following:
‘IKEA’s publication is a promotion of a particular stye of living, which does not deserve public propagation. This is connected with the strategy of accustoming people to homosexual relationships and then of legalising such relationships.
‘This is done to establish their picture in society as equal and then to legalise them.’
This is what a spokeslady from IKEA – Karolina Horszczak – said in response, whilst probably rolling her eyes and doing the wanker sign:
‘Homosexuality is one of the essential elements of living in contemporary society.’