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Go ahead, laugh it up Craig. If this proves you’ve been cheating on us with other men, you’re going to start the New Year in the spare bedroom.

Hands off, you dirty hustler!

This is a photo Private Detective sent us back from Mauritius where we sent him to spy on our best boyfriend Danny Craig, who reckoned he was just going for a few days sun with ‘some friends’.

a). Does that body look like it’s seen any sun? Hmmm?

b). That man has his hand on his hip.

c). He is also wearing shorty shorts.

d). Daniel is wearing his best pulling shorts from when he goes down XXL.

And e). and f).

Be warned, hell hath no fury like a professional crazed fan scorned!

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Just when we think we’ve decided we’ll marry Prince William, what with the beard and everything (and the fact he gets to be king!), along comes a hot picture of Prince Harry in swimwear…

Arise Prince Harry
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Sir Dame Judi Dench gets her bustle up west

Arise Sir Dame Judy

So, it’s a play about a pervert, written by a gay icon (of sorts), directed by THE gay theatre director du moment (that means ‘of the moment’, non-educated types) and starring four of the most fantabulous actresses of this or any generation: Dame Judi of Dench, Rosamund Pike, Frances Barber (off-of Ab Fab and lots o’ things we belove) and Deborah Findlay (not sure about her, but she’s definitely got her work cut out opposite those three).

The play is Madame de Sade by Yukio Mishima, you know the mad old Japanese gayer who stuck himself with a sword, and it’s directed by Michael Grandage who, cute though he may be, is prolly the foremost director of very serious plays operating today.

It tells the story of the Marquis de Sade, who very cleverly invented sado-masochism (well, the sado bit at any rate) and is set on the eve of the French Revolution, which means there’s the promise of VERY BIG HAIR!

It’s on at Wyndham’s Theatre in London’s glittering theatreland (mind out for the sick on the pavement!) from March to May and you may purchase your very own tickets by ringing 0844 482 5120.

The End.

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Would you like to own a remix of Kylie’s ‘2 Hearts’ for free? No, not really but you can if you want anyways.

You get what you pay for

It’s those nice people from The Guardian. Giving it away they are. A track for freeness every day. Today – just to finish 2008 with a whimper – they are offering you Kylie’s flop comeback single ‘2 Hearts’, in an exciting remix by one Alan Braxe. Go here to download it.

Tomorrow picks up a bit with a free video download of Lily Allen’s newie ‘Fear’. Which we’re partial to. But what happened to her song ‘Fag Hag’ that was written for the new album? She was reciting the lyrics to us – and they were good! – down at The Ivy Club recently… 

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Aygness Deyn, number one with a bullet on our shitlist

Dirty girl

We’ve long berated her, well, appearance to be honest: a supermodel should look a bit more special than just the tall girl from the estate with dodgy hair that needs a bit of toner through it.

She also has no taste (Dr. Martens? House of Holland? Ripping off Auntie Viv) and seems like a bit of a twat: can we talk about the ‘rock career’?

But that’s all as nothing to wearing a full-length fur coat while out walking her beloved pet doggies. ‘Just connect’ as a famous homosexualist writer once said.


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Gratuitous ‘best of… *insert body part*’ list #153261612


*Re-reads the title, has a giggle*

Today it is ‘Best chests 2008’. Yes, who wore their chest best in this merriment of years? Let’s have a look slash fiddle. Over the jump with you… (more…)

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Karen Krizanovich: An American Bitch at Christmas

KK, and that's not just her bust size

It’s Christmas and maxing the credit cards isn’t as much fun as it used to be, mostly because they were maxed already. We’re all dragging our buff bums around, pretending to be frivolous, while French bankers in New York slash their wrists and the headlines say, ‘Dust Bowl Warning!’ It’s enough to make you revert to saving soap slivers in old onion nets and wearing vintage clothes because you have to…

But what is Christmas, after all? An excuse to go to midnight mass to scope out the cute guys despite the fact that the Pope hates us? An excuse to listen (yet AGAIN) to David Sedaris’s Crumpet The Elf? A reason to remember that you really do love your family and not just that you can buy a better flat when they die?

No matter. Your Christmas can’t be any worse than Joan Crawford’s 1949 Christmas. That year, the ex-porn star who hated wire hangers said that she makes her children give up something they really love, “otherwise they don’t really learn the value of giving”. If you don’t believe that, hear it with your own ears. Over the jump… (more…)

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We wish you a very Cher Christmas!

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