Britney’s bollocks. Not only is that alliteration, but it’s true.

Put a sock in it. 

This is an X Factory story. Just to pre-warn.

a) Did anyone see Kate Moss in the audience? We got minor chufties at that one. We were already off our tits, admittedly.

2) Miley Cyrus? 16 years of age and already a lumpen trout. Doesn’t bode well.

trois) Britney off-of Spears. Oh fucking dear. Her ‘eagerly anticipated’ performance on X Factory went down like the proverbial shit-filled balloon. It comes as no shock that the woman has the stage presence of discarded toenail and that she can’t sing – even when miming to a backing track of her ‘singing’ – but really, the sycophancy of Simon Cowell and Dermot ‘plastic paddy’ O’Leary ‘n’ chums was nauseating and wrong, people, wrong *sobs*. And ‘living legend Britney Spears’ has, since Saturday evening, made its way into the OED under the phrase ‘contradiction in terms’. And that’s us being gentle.

iv) And can we just say, hurrah to Ben Shephard and Fiona Phillips on this morrow’s GMTV who – quite rightly – wouldn’t let it lie that Britney Spears is at best a mediocrity and didn’t even have the decency to sing live and/or meet the X Factory contestants. Particularly loud clap for Fiona’s response when Ruth (the Spanish one who got knocked out. Shame that. Should’ve been those creepy Boyz II Men-a-likeys and/or the creepy child-ling with the hair) said they were all back-stage watching Britney with their jaws on the floor – ‘Why, because she was so bad?’.

e) C’mon, that’s good for the ‘nonpartisan’ GMTV.

6) Ooh, nonpartisan.

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6 comments to “Britney’s bollocks. Not only is that alliteration, but it’s true.”

  1. OMG I know – the fawning was just embarrassing. The woman’s just a talentless puppet on a string who’s been shoved down our throats whether we like it or not. Word up, we don’t like it.

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  2. Go Fiona! She’s not on the sofa for much longer is she? Perhaps she’ll start being like this with all the other self congratulating guests.

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  3. And then there’s the fiasco at G-A-Y later in the evening….
    http://www.osdia.es/?p=10191

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  4. Oh dear, did she fuck that one up too?

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  5. Oh the drama of it all. Wasn’t there, just read about it, but you can imagine the hysterics.

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  6. So, Britney was miming on X Factor…big deal! Yet no-one commented on Alexandra miming the opening line of “Toxic”. And have we all forgotten that Madge used to mime in all her early live shows? Her excuse was always that it was impossible to dance well and sing at the same time! And this new single is a dance number, after all!

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