It’s a sad, sad, velly sad day when one’s father – the same father who has little-to-no knowledge of popular culture. The same father who, upon reading his son’s interview with Beyonce last week did quoth, ‘Oh, I thought she was a white girl!’ (yes, that was a bit of showing off, but the people who know about these things say it gives credence to interdolly ventures such as these. It’s all very Facebook, disingenuous showing off on one’s status update, we know…) – utters the words, ‘That Myleene Klass – I wish she’d just fuck off.’ This is also the same father who hasn’t sworn since 1973.
And for those who hadn’t quite noticed by this stage, yes, this is another in our litany of non-pro Myleene Klass stories. We won’t go so far as to say Myleene hate stories, seeing as we reserve real-life, get up ‘n’ go hatred for people like the Pope. Myleene ‘No Fucking’ Klass we just want to disappear down a very large fissure – the Marianas Trench, say – with her fucking ivories and her left-hand-on-bended-hip,-self-satisfied-smirk-on-face red carpet pose, never to walk these fair shores again. Not even, people, at the Company Magazine Awards.
And it is with very sad sadness in our hearts and a tear on the right side of our faces that we report that Nicky Hambleton-Jones – clipped of voice, bespectacled of face and new potatoed of pallor – is a bit gutted that she’s been replaced on Ten Years Younger by the ubiquit-arsehole Myleene Klass. That’s the relevant quote up there. We won’t waste anyone’s time by repeating it.
It’s not like we ever really white-weed ourselves over NHJ, though we did, over time, come to have a sort of niggling respect for the woman, even found her homely at times. And she is, you know, an expert in the fields of fashion and looking younger. Myleene is just, well, everywhere – and last time we checked that wasn’t a profession.
NHJ, incidentally, is 37. Myleene Klass, incidentally, is 30. The show’s called Ten Years Younger. Myleene doesn’t look 20. She just looks like a cunt.
Or, as they say in the bible… Some people are born insipid, some people have insipidness thrust upon them. Others just need a punch in the face.
We rest our case.
Oh that rhymes.