Wanna know what Madonna and Chris Martin are getting for Christmas?

Silky shiny hair.

And yes, apart from a slap in the face.

Well(wyn Garden City), Gwyneth Paltrow’s poignant little pre-Christmas message of festive cheer on her mawkish little website, Goop, might just have the answers. Oh you know Goop… it’s that interdolly site she set up a few months ago. The tagline tells you all you need to know. ‘Nourish The Inner Aspect’.

And Gwynnie – we’re not sure who came up with ‘Gwynnie’, btw. We think it might have been Grazia magazine. Which is sick enough in itself – has decided to furnish us all with her ‘Holiday Gift Ideas’. It’s just the sentimental bollocks you’d expect. We’re particularly enjoying the line, ‘I know you, I get you, I see you’.

*Pinter-esque pause*

As for the actual, reach out and touch, gifts she recommends, Gwyneth Paltrow it seems has reasonably good taste. Especially the $1,395 Mulberry Weekend Bag. As for the Flip Ultra Camcorder… now that’s spooky as only the week before last we popped to John Lewis to get one of these but they’d ran out. Never knowingly undersold, just sold out.

Oh but by the by/buy the buy, let’s read Gwyneth’s Holiday musings after the break, which have a similar effect to bulimia…

‘What is holiday spirit? For me, it means helping to create that atmosphere where loved ones feel full of cheer, like some happy secret is about to be revealed. Holiday spirit is a feeling of warmth, of togetherness, of connectedness. We get that by giving. We get it by watching cheeks flush with color when something opened and in the hands conveys a message: I know you, I get you, I see you. We get it when we go outside of our comfort zone, giving more than we think we can afford to help people who don’t have it as good as we do. We get it by not getting riled up and potentially verbally abusive when someone steals the parking place we have been demonstrably waiting for (note to self — it still counts, if you’re alone in your car, cursing with the windows up). For those of you looking for ideas for gifts to unwrap, see below. There are some tried and loved gadgets, candies, and a couple of luxury items for good measure. I found a cool way to do Christmas cards, which benefits the Robinhood Foundation. There are big gaps to make up this year for charitable organizations, giving is down and people need help. Donating to your local foodbank is always a very good idea. Do whatever you can, on whatever scale you can. It’s all about the intention.’

And as for the rest of those gift ideas, go see for yourself

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3 comments to “Wanna know what Madonna and Chris Martin are getting for Christmas?”

  1. Nourish the inner aspect? Note to self: Gwyneth Paltry is a cunt.

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  2. It’s all about the intention. If the intention is to convey that she is an out of touch actress who has way to much time on her hands and nothing to say she wins. I have to say I signed right up for the newsletter so I don’t miss any of her helpful advise and visions of the world. Can they take back her Oscar……please!

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  3. aww, goop sounds like gloop .

    and i think those gift ideas are spiffing . Who wouldn’t want a decanter made soley of wire, or some utensils made soley of bamboo??
    or alternately, savannah candy, that looks like little pellets of crunchy nut antelope dung .. id rather ahve moi ferrero rochay thank you . xx

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