Just when you think the beard is fake because it is trimmed exactly like the rest of the beards in the film, Keanu Reeves surprises us by growing one for bits of the big budge remake of 1951 sci fi fav The Day The Earth Stood Still. Keanu plays Klaatu, an alien born into a human form – so he’s cute, even if he uses his old placenta like lip balm. He’s got a message for us Earthies: ‘You’ve messed up the planet, so everyone out of the pool.’ Unfortunately, nobody gets the message except evil presidential stand-in with pearls Kathy Bates and nice mom Jennifer Connolly (with her breasts looking normal – did they bind her a la Judy Garland?) with her post-Obama step-son, Jaden Smith, out of the Will Smith clan.
Where’s the cool space ship? Where’s the cool robot? They’re there but they look as if they’re sold at Fresh’n’Wild – organic, not orgasmic. Gort – the big robot who is supposed to protect Klaatu – just loafs around looking very post-production and no one needs to say, ‘Gort! Klaatu barada niktoh!’ to stop him frying your eyes out. Between the yapping and the CGI lurks a gripping sci fi thriller – more of an homard than a remake of the original – which sadly fannies out at the end. Gorgeous John Hamm from Mad Men almost counters a chilling cameo by John ‘Oh God WHY’ Cleese. Anyway, til you see it, have a look here at the original. Michael Rennie is still hot.