So them Frenchies – who we love for their bad attitude, their Dieux du Stade, their nice butter – turn out to have the lenthiest and fattest penages in the whole European Union. And that’s official! Sacre bleu andcetera!
The esteemed Institut fuer Kondom-Beratung (which we imagine is something to do with condoms in German) went about the sticky business of measuring the erect erectnesses of 10,500 volunteers from all 25 countries of the Union (now there’s a job our careers officers never mentioned – and we’re good with maths and tape measures!).
The average Frenchie bite (that’s ‘knob’ in French – you’re actually learning stuff here!) measures 6.1 inches in lengthum, which doesn’t sound like a whole lot, and 5.4 inches around.
In second place comes Sweden – it’s like the Eurovision Song Contest before Eastern Europe started cheating, isn’t it? – while poor old UK comes 23rd out of 25, which ain’t that damn impressive. The average British cock is apparently just 5.2 inches by 4.5.
All we can say is that they must have been measuring all the wrong penises *pats hair in style of Mae West*