He’s had 48 hours to get his shit together, so it’s only right and proper we select which member of Barack Obama’s cabinet we’d like to bum the most. ‘Tis this gennelman…

Rahm Emanuel.

A dash of silver fox here, a dash of Middle East there (we did the modern form of in-depth research called ’the first thing that came up on Google’ and he is of Israeli heritage. Hardly fashionable right now, s’true, but we’ve had our fair share of Israeli lovers in the past [Segue: Yechiel, if you’re listening, accept our stalker Facebook request. It could be a beautiful thing once more] and let’s just say, ‘National Service’), and White House Chief of Staff… Poppa, can you hear us? Oh and yes, he is referring to our shoe size up there.

Reminds us of the time when we were doing the same thing with Gordon Brown’s cabinet, and we settled on David Miliband (natch), but umpteen years/months/can’t remember, the Xanax is kicking in, later, and still no gratuitous topless shots on the beach, still no VPL in the House of Commons, still no naked centrefold in Cosmo (not even for a male testicular cancer charity), so frankly, we’re over him. Goodbye David Gastric Band, hello Rahm-it-up-us, etc. 

Besides, Rahm Emanuel… just slips off the tongue, diddly-dee. 

Talking of which, Barack or Rahm - which would you rather bum? ‘Tis the dilemma of modern times. At least till Friday, 18.35-ish.