‘Daily Mail hateful story of the week’ (chirruped in Harry Hill-esque singy-songy manner)

 

Until we work out Photoshop, this is as good as it's gonna get.... 'kay?  

So, the Daily Hate/Fascist/Cunt/Mail has this morrow splashed on a story about two kids who, instead of being given hook, line and sinker to their grandparents (the mother’s a heroin addict, see), they’re being adopted by two gay men.

*falls off chair; struggles to get back up, has a stroke; dies; has lovely out-of-body experience involving getting bummed*

The grandparents, naturally, are ‘devastated’.

Let’s not for a moment think there would even be a Daily Mail-newsworthy story if the kids were being adopted by straight people. Oh, but before we get on our dolly soap boxes, people, the ‘devastated’ grandparents are quick to point out that they’re not homophobic.

‘We are not prejudiced,’ said the prejucided – but devastated nonetheless – grandparents.

Let’s look at the evidence:

– You’ve brought up a heroin addict. This suggests you’re not the best of parents.

– One of you has angina. You could drop dead at any given moment.

– The other has diabetes. Bang goes the diet of Haribo and Quavers (they’re from Edinburgh. Natch. ps. We’re allowed to say that. One of the me-me-me massive used to live in Edinburgh. We also have black friends. And Jewish ones. And, god-forgive, gay ones.)

– You’re homophobes.

– Apparently, the girl child in question is ‘wary of males’, thus stoking the nice tale of dirty ol’ gayness that the Daily Mail is touting. Er, if said child is, as they say, wary of males, then she really ought to get over it.

– Oh, and of course, the dirty Roman Catholics had to get involved. Look…

‘This is a devastating decision,’ said the dirty Roman Catholic, whilst simulatenously bumming a small boy. Probably. ‘There is an overwhelming body of evidence showing that same-sex relationships are inherently unstable and reduce the life expectancy of those involved.’

And there’s an overwhelming body of evidence showing that Roman Catholics are cunts.

And what the freak do you mean, ‘reduce the life expectancy of those involved’? *sees gay man across street; develops cancer* And let’s not forget, we’re talking about straight grandparents (or are we?!) who’ve brought up a daughter who takes heroin for a living. And when we say living…

Need we go on? Really, what would the Daily Mail do without hate, people? Fold, that goes without saying, but Her Majesty’s United Kingdom of Great Britain would, without question, be a much nicer, kinder, happier, dollier place.

And when, oh when, oh when will this dirty publication get shut down for incitement to hatred? They’re very happy to splash on Prince Charles calling his dear, Asian friend ‘Sooty’, calling for a public flogging, yet the next day are telling its gullible and retarded readership that being gay is wrong.

In the words of that lovely atheism advert…

‘Stop reading the Daily Mail and start enjoying life.’

*has brainwave; asks for millions of pounds in donations to put advert on bendy buses*

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More dolly #content:

15 comments to “‘Daily Mail hateful story of the week’ (chirruped in Harry Hill-esque singy-songy manner)”

  1. Oh me-me-me, I heart you more than I heart myself. Spot on as usual.

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  2. And you can just imagine the same story, written 50 years ago, only take out ‘gay’ and insert ‘black’. (Give or take a little artistic licence, but you get my gist…)

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  3. I stopped reading the Mail years ago as I found it was provoking in me the urge to go out and punch people. Vile rag filled with hatred read by dried up codgers who hate the idea that somewhere someone might be having a less horrible time than they are.

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  4. Where do I contribute money? I would really seriously pay hard cash to see this slogan on the side of buses.

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  5. Daily Mail more like Cunts Daily
    “The voice of middle england” more like “The Voices of Evil Homophobic Cunts”
    Where’s the campaign donation site please ??

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  6. Like you said, how on earth do they get away with it? With the incitement to hatred, with the lies, with the hypocrisy, with the all-round cuntiness? I too would donate to this cause, me-me-me. I’d even go without a night on the booze. Now that’s dedication to the cause…

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  7. Evil, such as the Daily Mail, merely legitimises hatred. It was my mother’s reference point of choice when she refused to speak to me for two years after I came out. Let alone the torrent of bons mots that she chose to throw my way… I hope the Daily Mail are very proud of themselves, the dirty, thieving bastards.

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  8. As all of the above suggests, the Daily Mail is responsible for making a lot of people very unhappy. If there was a god, there would’ve been a plague somewhere in the Kensington area a long time ago.

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  9. I’d like ‘Stop reading the Daily Mail and start enjoying life’ on a nice skinny tee. And I’d like to know if the same-sex adopting couple are worth bumming.

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  10. I too shall wear that skinny tee, slashed down to the navel.

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  11. I long for the day I see this newspaper headline: “Daily Mail editor arrested in Westminster Abbey toilet sex shame with hamster, 13 year old illegal immigrant rent boy and Boris Johnson’s drugged-up young choirboy son! Photos! Pages 2,3,4,5,6,78, and editorial”

    I will then die and I will have a smile on my face as I do so.
    (PS It is important to note that the tabs might make that headline a bit more snappy but, you know, that’ll be the gist of it.)

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  12. I have a friend who buys the Daily Shitrag just because he wants to be enraged. Plus the health section is wholely inaccurate and scares the living shit out of people or convinces them they need to take countless medications they don’t really need.
    It is nothing but a blight on society and the cunts who write is should be given a damn good bumming…tho they’d probably secretly enjoy it

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  13. Phil – your mate should steal a copy. That way he could be simultaneously enraged and comforted. Comforted in the knowledge that his enragement had done nothing to line the pockets or bolster the inflated egos of the halfwits who produce it.

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  14. I notice that you didn’t mention the kids wishes in all this.

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  15. q9kmjq comment1 ,

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