One – or two, in the case of the twins – of these ‘lucky’ people will represent the UK at Eurovish. Is it worth the time and trouble, we ask in a kindly, generous-hearted kind of way?

We'll take the one three in from the left - and when we say 'take'...

Oh, these poor people. Little do they realise the pointlessness of their exploits. Who is going to tell them that you could put Madonna up to represent us at Eurovision with Mariah Carey, Leona Lewis and Princess Anne on back-up vocals and still you wouldn’t make it off the bottom spot?

Yes, voters, it is these deludanoids who have made the final of Lady Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber’s attempt to get Britain back in the running at Eurovision now the Eastern Europeans have taken it over even though now Terry Wogan’s not doing the piss-taking commentating no one will be watching anyways.

Battling it out for the ‘prestigious honour andcetera’ are – and we quote – Mark Evans, who is a farmer’s son and very do-able even though he wears a thumb ring!; Francine and Nicola Gleadall, who are twins (Francine? Who calls a child Francine outside of Grease The Musical?) and ‘soul singer’ and female impersonator Jade Ewen.

Frankly, our money is on… a double vodka and soda with two limes down Hard On.

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4 comments to “One – or two, in the case of the twins – of these ‘lucky’ people will represent the UK at Eurovish. Is it worth the time and trouble, we ask in a kindly, generous-hearted kind of way?”

  1. i’m guessing Jade. though frankly who cares muchly?

    Francine Fishpaw is my fave Francine. especially with Cuddles.

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  2. I get the feeling that Mark is the type of boy that old ladies love – a bit like like Will Young if you know what I mean.
    OH and PLEASE whoever choreographs this show stop making all the girls, especially Jade, do that high-heeled slutty stompy whore dance – it was already dated when I was doing it down the docks in ’69.

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  3. oh Dolly, we all remember those days. Talk of the town you was…

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  4. I saw that dolly Mark character on the Northern Line line yesterday… got on at Tottenham Court Road. He was in a leather jacket with a lady friend. And when I say lady friend….
    Totally gay. Or maybe just very theatrical. Or both.

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