Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

Trafalgar Square has opened itself up to a whole load of trouble…

Look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

You know that Fourth Plinth business? The business about the Fourth Plinth (it’s a proper noun and everything, now) in Trafalgar Square being a rotating platform (literally) for art? Which we wave our Union Jack flag-ette at furiously in appreciation because we think it a very good thing? Yes, that.

Well, after what seems like an age of that funny plastic Stickle Bricks thing, they’ve (the powers that be. Boorish Johnson and chums, we assume) decided on what’s going to replace it. Namely Antony ‘Angel of the North’ (we bet he hates that. Apparently he’s done other work…) Gormley’s Blue Peter competition winner, ‘One&Other’.

In a nutty shell, he’s letting the people (that’s you, me, them and us) be the art. So, every hour for 100 days from 6th July, the plinth will be the stage for a different person to create their own ‘living monument’.

Also known as, 100 days of obnoxious twats showing off.

Also known as, jobbing actors. Just, jobbing actors.

Also known as, after a sesh down Soho everyone’s gonna be trotting down to hurl Burger King onion rings at ’em.

Also known as… *ooh, cock!*

Oh we forgot. If you’re one of those ‘Crazy is my middle name’ types and want to do cartwheels for light relief for an hour on the Fourth Plinth in London’s glittering Trafalgar Square, you need to register here. Then 2,400 will be picked randomly by a computerla. Ooh, democracy…

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

A conical bra? Boys in make-up? A Geldof? How ‘cutting edge’…

Are we missing something?Every time we’ve had an on-the-toiley read in probably the last year, it’s been pretty much guaranteed that one Geldof incarnation or another would feature at least once in the publication – be it a glossy or a freebie or in graffiti form on the back of the loo door. This, readers and readerettes, is not good for one’s toilet experience, angering our minds and tightening our sphincters. So you can imagine our fury when we sat aloft the crapper this very day and opened the usually fun Dazed and Confused to see none other than, yes, Pixie Geldof. In a photoshoot. With real-live models. And Daisy Lowe. In scenes of an orgy-esque nature. Pixie Geldof. Geld. Of.

Oh Dazed and Confused, we thunk better of you. If it was being done in an ironic way, we might get it, but the feature has jumped well and truly on that off-the-tracks bandwagon that seems to worship those Partying Potatoes mk I and II. Surely we can’t be the only ones that are so over the Geldof girls we’re verging on making utterly tasteless jokes about them joining their mother. Are we? (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Guy’s nickname for Madonna is ‘It’. Mmmmm, catchy.

Pretend, pretend, pretend...

You know, like, ‘Oh, It’s in a bad mood today.’ Or, ‘We can’t make It angry.’

We’re not particular fans of Guy ‘n’ Dolls Ritchie, we just like the level of utter disrespect. It’s impudent, you might say. Insolent. Invidious. Boorish, even. Cunty, most definitely.

Who told us this? The Sun *disinfects hands* In words of less than one syllable, naturally.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

What do you get when you cross a Hollwood star, a Victoria’s Secret model, a cavort or several, and a hotel balcony? Press.

Bloomin' tits.

Is there nothing these people won’t do to get a bit of attention? Next they’ll be scatting on glass tables and sending in the evidence-with-pictures to the News of the World, upon which Gillian McKeith will do a stool examination by way of an interesing angle in the supplement (which ironically you can wipe your back bottom with, so silky soft is the paper), upon which the famous(es) in question will sue ’cause, how very dare you, they do not have an iron deficiency. Andcetera.

Anways, this is Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr on a hotel balcony in Australia’s glittering Sydney you know, like, proving their together or something.

We’ve done the editing and will only bother you with the ones involving Bloomin’ nudity. Wethankyou… (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Tis Friday and a pretty, Sping-y one at that, so here’s a fluff-some story for a squish squish end-of-the-week moment

Orbit and friendLittle orphan Annie Owly, Orbit, lost mumsy and dadsy in a storm or something (we don’t actually know that, but we know he’s an orphan, so imagine some owl related death scenario) and was terribly lonely until he bagged himself a toy friend to sleep with. Cue Awws plural.

It’s a cute tale, but reminded us somewhat of that Guys and Dolls documentary… Just with less chafing. Not sure what we’re on about? Enlightenment awaits past one simple jump. (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

The Daily Mail too busy being cunts to notice fuck up *gets the swear box*

Pauline? Barack? Stevie? Jokes?

The Daily Mail web team were probably too busy ranting on – with all the ‘at the end of the days’, ‘basically’s, ‘literally’s and ‘no offence or nuffink, but’s…’ that one would expect from the Jeremy Kyle/Vine/Clarkson-loving mentally challenged types that they are – about the ‘state of this country’, what with all its illegals, hooligans and *gasp* gays, to notice that their pictures don’t quite match up with their headlines. Although in some ways they do. The Obama/Corrie one tickled us. Unfortunately not in that way *draws sad face in condensation, before launching into ludicrous rendition of Steamy Windows*.

There’s another example over the jump which teams a Kate Winslet Oscar headline with a close-up of what looks like Selma Hayek’s bare bottom. But it’s actually her ring. Wedding. Giggle forth. (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

O i, what’s goin’ on ‘ere?

Er, is that appropriate behaviour, madame? Don’t you just hate that? When people who have six-packs take every opportunity to show off about it?  You know, idly walking down the street and, ooooh, oof, an itch… Must, lift up, my shirt, and scratch, for a very, long, time… Or, you know, the ones who, out of nowhere, lift up, say, an Abercrombie & Fitch tee, point to their stomachs upon which one could not only bounce pennies, but the GDP of a small eastern European nation (not sure if that analogy works but, you know, it’s all pounds, shilings and shiny new pence…) and shout really loudly, ‘Oh, fat, fat, fat. I’m so fat.’ At which point a fatty turns round and punches them.

Know what we’re saying? Really, do you?

*lifts up shirt. (If you must know, it’s a Burberry Prosum. Course we didn’t pay. What do you take us for?) ‘Oooh, itch…’*

Anyway, this bloke up there’s doing that, with a cheeky smile on his face. Which we take to mean it’s a happy occasion. And the bloke in question is none other than… *drum roll, if you will* Grigor Dimitrov!

*eyes dart around room*

Us neither. Ditto the bloke on the left doing the dodge groping. Though research also known as getting someone else to do it, tells us that Grigor Dimitrov is a tennis player. A tennis player, research tells us, is one who plays tennis. Apparently Grigor is quite good. And quite young. Seventeen young. Too young for a fiddle in our opinion, but not too young to look at another picture of him showing off about his six-pack. Well, he will put himself in those situations… (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Pauline Fowler off-of EastEnders has died! So has Miss Brahms off-of Are You Being Served?!

Get a hair cut!

Poor old Wendy Richards, spotted here showing Her Majesty and that naughty Prince Philip around the EastEnders set. She’s gawn. And we don’t mean round Albert Square in a black taxi. We mean proper gawn. *sheds tear of genuine emotion*

You knew she had cancer and had been given only months to live, which is why she rush-married her younger, hotter boyfriend a couple of months back. She died in a Harley Street surgery and there were apparently EastEnders of the ilk of Todd Carty and Natalie Cassidy supporting her up to the end.




VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)