Hello Scarlett Johansson off-of ‘real curves’? No, that’s just fat. You’ve gone and died your trademark blonde locks brunette now, haven’t you?
There’s even a quote to go with the change of barnet, just in case we thought it was poppers abuse causing the funny blots in our eyes…
‘It’s part of being a girl. We get to change up our thing and confuse everybody.’
*a famous changes hair colour; gets diagnosed with early-onset dementia*
So this, ladies and Dames of the Empire, is Scarlett Johansson off-of act? Not really, at the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You. Which we’re looking forward to seeing in that it’s one of those moving pictures a gay can enjoy with a girl, and share their common experiences of the mens. Oh how we’ll laugh, cry, nod sagely, laugh a little more, decide we want Jennifer Aniston to be one of our friends because she has this uncanny nack of coming over all likeable ‘n’ stuff on the telly, then cry some more. Maybe even let out a bit of wet wee.
ps. Is this the time we tell the story about Scarlett’s US press officer? In one of those smug ‘we’re on the inside and therefore know about this sort of thing, and you don’t, na-na-na-naaaaaa-na!’ ways a la Grazia/Holy Moly/etc? No. Because that would serve no purpose whatsoever. Suffice to say, the word ‘cunt’ would’ve popped up at some point.