Heidi Klum – who inexplicably earns millions a year for looking like April, the post-op transsexual who used to manage a rather nice eaterie in Manchesterford’s glittering Canal Street several years back – is a big ol’ meany.
Some bloke in the Germanics used a picture of her he found on the internet – all innocent, like – to promote a little disco he was putting on in his local town. Exhibit A, up there. No harm done, etc.
‘I left her with a neighbour and friend,’ he said.
Oh sorry, wrong quote.
‘I just thought she looked nice and would be appealing on the advertising leaflet,’ said Mr Frank, 45, from Chemnitz. Us neither.
Heidi thought otherwise. ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh,’ said she, maybe, perhaps, just a thought. ‘Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Noooooooooooooooooooo. How dare he! That’s my face, I tell thee. MY face. MYYYYYYYY. FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.’
And what a manly looking face it is too, Heidi-Hi, Heidi-Ho.
So what did she do? She sued.
Did we mention lovely Mr Frank is/was/still is for all we know, an unemployed butcher? (Segue: When you’re unemployed, you may as well be an unemployed surgeon.)
So she sued, she won, and Mr Frank was landed with a £2000 fine.
*booooooooooo; hissssssssssss; boooooooooooooooo; oooh, cock*
Oh but before you sob into your Pret Posh Cheddar, fret not – a nice socialite lady actress person in Germany has stepped in and paid Frankie’s fine.
‘I read his story and just knew I had to help,’ said Jenny Elvers Elbertzhagen. ‘He didn’t know it was her, didn’t make any money and I really do not understand why Heidi Klum has got all heated up over such a trifle.’
ps. We would’ve used a picture of Heidi Klum, but she might’ve swung by and rubbed our snout in it. You know, like you’d do to a dog after he’s done a number 2 on your Asda bed linen. Bad dog! *waves finger*