Some of you who’ve swung by these parts before on a rainy Monday morning when the anal butt plugs are on the blink, might have heard the Fag Hag talk of her darling goddaughter, the simply divine Honey.
Honey is a fabulous creation, like a junior Mae West crossed with Dorothy Parker with a little Gossip Girl thrown in for good measure. ‘You and me… We’re fag hags darlin’, aren’t we?’ she once announced to me coolly, some days shy of her tenth birthday.
This year Honey turned 12, so I decided it was time as a caring guardian to pull out the stops. As Honey’s motto is ‘anything as long as it’s pink and as long as it’s Prada’ and the credit crunch is forcing us all to live off gruel and poo porridge stolen from a traveller’s dustbin right now, I decided to show her my love in a rather more novel way this year – a touching godparental Facebook message.
I felt the sentiment ‘ Happy Birthday bitch!’ hit just the right note – moving yet oh so simple. I didn’t have to wait to long for this 12-year-old’s delightfully heartfelt response to wing its way back. She responded, ‘I will cut choo, bitch’. How I laughed! Children really do say the funniest things…