‘I was beaten like Rihanna’, says Danielle Lloyd, as the entire nation forms an orderly queue for a repeat performance.

Improvement? Vast. 

So Danielle ‘Read About Me! Lloyd has been beaten up by a real-life boyfriend, too! You know, just like Rihanna! Spooky.

Some thoughts on this include:

– What took him so long?

– Press opportunity? You go for it, girl.

– We don’t know how anyone can actually keep their hands off the C U Next Tuesday (our Momma told us to please refrain from using the ‘cunt’ word, and instead go for an acronym. Much more lady-like, she says. We personally prefer C U Next Thursday. Has more of a ring to it), owing to the fact she’s a cunt.

– Is that one of those BBC make-up department jobbies, Danielle? Oh-oh-oh-oh, no. Don’t be silly. Her Majesty’s BBC wouldn’t go near the hooker tramp slag model it.

According to the Daily Cunt (Christ, it’s cunts madness this morning, people!), Danielle Lloyd off-of no discernable purpose in life, was, and we quote, ‘compelled to speak out after an image of R&B singer Rihanna’s injuries sustained in her recent alleged attack by boyfriend Chris Brown appeared on the internet.’

Compelled by the pounds signs, we’re assuming…

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More dolly #content:

6 comments to “‘I was beaten like Rihanna’, says Danielle Lloyd, as the entire nation forms an orderly queue for a repeat performance.”

  1. I’ll do the other eye if no one’s bagsied it already.

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  2. an ice pick through the ear i think.

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  3. I in no way condone violence against women. Violence against Danielle Lloyd on the other hand… I know a fair few women who’d like to give her a slap for cheapening the whole gender.

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  4. Yaaay me for not knowing who she is! :-) While I’m stuck here in Her Majesty’s Merka, I get most of my news & UK culture filtered through podcasts — Guardian Daily, The News Quiz (Radio 4) and Start The Week with Andrew Marr — and this Danielle ‘Read About Me!’ Lloyd not appeared on there yet Although I would adore a April Fools version of Start The Week … can you imagine !?!

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  5. I really should proof read before I post …

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  6. She didn’t get beaten up. It’s a cheap facelift gone wrong and she’s trying to raise the cash to have it put right.

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