In case you can’t read, Heartbeat and The Royal have been axed.
*draws happy face on a steamy window; adds a cock ‘n’ balls for a cheeky twist*
So, you know ITV
is using the Credit Crunch as an excuse to ditch staff and make more money? has been producing a whole load of shit for far too long now and its revenues are finally down as a result and they’ve gotta sack some people quick-smart? is suffering from a downturn in advertising owing to the Credit Crunchie Bar and is therefore having to make reduncies? Yes, well, sadnesses and all…
But our silver lining moment is that the televisual durge known as Heartbeat and The Royal have been given the big heave-ho. And thank the Baby Jesus in a fetching cerise camisole we never have to watch the telly equivalent of a Werther’s Original ever, ever again, amen *ooh, men!*
Not that we ever did watch those two sepia-tinged exercises in depression – except that time when we did it for a bet and lost and our punishment was to watch Heartbeat and/or The Royal – nevertheless our Sunday eves always felt besmirched by their insipid combo’ of northern accents, Bobby Darin on the wireless, Eccles Cakes in the push-bike basket, and someone who hasn’t been able to get work since leaving EastEnders discovering penicillin whilst out shopping for bonnets.
So, you know, linings of silver and all that. Though – horror of shocks – This Morning with Fern and Phil is also facing the chop, app’ and ‘arently. We shan’t believe it…