And this little piggy went wee wee wee wee all the way home…

So Ulrika-cu-cu-you-know-the-rest Jonsson is the new face, or should we say flange, of incontinence in what is the best celebrity endorsement since Cheryl Baker told the world about her thinning hair. *claps delightedly*

Promoting the cause of Light Adult Incontinence - or LAI for those too blushful to say it - which is something Ulrika claims to have - and we quoteth - ‘never heard of it until recently’ Honey, you’ve also evidently never heard of condoms but that’s by the byway.

Apparently for ladies over 40 the occasional cough slash sneeze slash laugh will induce unexpected slash. As in wee. As in another reason we’re glad we’re gay.

And if you’re feeling soz for the Jonsson, forget the Celebrity Big Brother Sainty version that many a sap fell for and remember the Cunty version that said she didn’t want her children to witness a gay kiss ont’ telly box. She is however happy to have a different ‘uncle’ round the house every eve. ‘Uncle Sven’s here to give mummy a special cuddle after (cunt kicker) uncle Stan did a bad thing’ Oh piss off. Literally.