Say bonjour/ciao/gutten morgen to Helg Scarbi, who shall henceforth be known as Swiss Gigolo (but we don’t know which part of that illustrious country he be from: the French bit, the Italian bit or the German bit, though Helg does sound a bit Germ).
Anyways, apparently, so good were Swiss Gigolo’s looks and so smooth his patter (and so silken his penis – though we’re guessing that last bit) that loaded ladies all over Switzerland with nothing better to do (honey, they’re in Switzerland – there IS nothing better to do) would pay cash money for an hour of his time and a half foot of his manhood.
What they didn’t realise was that cheeky Helg was videotaping their carryings on in the finest hotel suites in Switzerland – chocolates on pillows, turn-down service, the works – and would eventually blackmail the ladies in question. He told his most famous victim, heir to the BMW fortune – who he wangled a cool £6 million off-of – that he had injured a little girl while driving in Florida (nice touch) and needed mega-bucks to get himself out of trouble.
It’s all gone to court now and Monsieur/Signor/Herr Scarbi is rather cleverly – seeing as there’s a ton of evidence against him – pleading guilty.
Just two questions remain. 1). Would you pay a sixpenny piece to sleep with the lizard-mouthed freak? and 2). Could you ever really trust a country that can’t decide what language it speaks?