How do they get away with it…?

Bend over and take six...

Chatting about school the other day with some posh friends of ours (we don’t make a habit of it, believe you me us them), we were hearing the most scandalous school-for-scandal stories about the goings-on of certain teachers. You know, the sort of thing where it’s all presented as fun and natural and healthy but with a couple of years of hindsight it’s obviously, you know, perved up.

Exhibit A: one friend attended an all-boys school where the swimming master (would you call that a master?) insisted it was more hygienic to swim naked. And even more hygienic was to bounce as many times as you could on the diving board naked. What’s all that about? Well, it’s pretty obvious what all that’s about.

Exhibit B: again, a swimming ‘master’, this time scrupulous that swimmers should wear exactly the right size trunks, would get the class to line up and would go along that line pulling out the waistband of each pair of swimming trunks to ascertain if they were – 3 bears-style – too big, too small or just right.

And we got to thinking over a Sainsbury’s Custard Slice (two for £1.05) if anyone else, looking back, had any strange rituals that were really and truly just a secret way for sir to fill the wank bank. Anyone?

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15 comments to “How do they get away with it…?”

  1. we weren’t allowed to wear underwear under our gym kit at my middle school [8 -11 years]. what was that about? *seeks counselling*

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  2. Maybe it was just so you didn’t have to sit in stinking sweaty pants through arithmatic.

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  3. Our PE teacher always, ALWAYS stood at the entrance to the communal showers to make sure that he got a stiffy. He said it was to ensure we all had a shower and there was no ‘funny business’, but we all knew he was going to knock one out later.

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  4. i remember him. give me a lovely facial during breaktime he did.

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  5. Our PE teacher who to those who know was nicknamed Mr Feel-Me-Ding, used to tap your naked bum to check you’d had a shower

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  6. Nothing like that happened at my school but I had a PE teacher called Mr Wright who could have touched my naked bum to check I’d had a shower any time he liked.

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  7. I’m still having an affair with my PE teacher.

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  8. My PE teacher felt me up in Swimming. Proper, like. I wasn’t complaining. He didn’t look dissimilar to the man you’ve used to illustrate this piece. I repeat, I wasn’t complaining.

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  9. Mmmmmm, PE teachers…

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  10. I had two fatties and one hottie for PE… guess which one got my full attention…

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  11. Our P.E. teacher must be a lesbian, she always stands there and watches us shower in the locker room?!?!

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  12. I was too busy admiring the other boys to pay attention to the PE teacher. Still remember that time my crush deliberately — DELIBERATELY — came over to my locker and took off his shirt while talking to me. I was so’er confused… but no more. (Wherever you are, Danny, come back and do it again.)

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  13. I had a dream about my old PE teacher last night. Me-me-me is controlling my dreams.
    This evening, I’d like to dream about being spit-roasted by Clive Owen and Daniel Craig, with Jason Statham lurking in the background, awaiting his turn. Thanks.
    Actually, this evening I’d just like to be bummed. Can you make that happen, me-me-me?

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  14. Ooh, me too, Lulu, me too.

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  15. I had a PE teacher who insisted that all the guys wore jockstraps. He would make us sit on the floor and open our legs so he could look up our PE shorts to make sure we had one on. I never thought anything TOO weird about it until now with this article. I guess it WAS more creepy than I thought at the time.

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