*gets oversized arrow (red. Flashing, maybe); points it at head*
So those Loose Women – who we j’adore like our own mother. More than our own mother. Except Sherrie Hewson. Who’s just a cock – are looking for a new Loose’n to join ’em on their telly sho’.
Open brackets. Loose Women, for our American chums and chumettes, is The View, British stylee. Close Brackets.
And it could be you! Oh it’s true. Y’see, they’ve done what is commonly known as a publicity stunt and are giving the public – whoever they may be – the chance to be a Loose Trout. We’re not sure if it’s a matter for the police, but it is a matter for the judging pannel, who consist of two producer-y types, and inexplicably Sherrie Hewson. A strange choice not only because she’s a cock – as mentioned afore – but also because she is the least popular Loose Woman. How do we know this? That question doesn’t even warrant an answer.
All you have to do is a) be a woman and b), c), d), e) and maybe f) send in a one-minute audition tape for the judging pannel to give the once over. So help them god.
Then what will happen is this new Loose female,-not-male,-female will be on the show for a couple of weeks then disappear, never to be heard of again. Spooky.
Now let’s decide – by the power of democracy and Greyskull – which of the Loose Women we’d give our last Rolo to…
Oh and seeing as we’re here, let’s remind ourselves of that time when Joan Rivers said ‘fuck’, live on daytime telly. Funs.