Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

Police are hunting for a so-called ‘Wolfman’ in Wales, so we thought it high time for a Hugh Jackman picture. What? It’s a valid excuse!

Forget Wolverine, it's all about WolfmanPicture this: Hairy man. Bushes. Foraging. Sounds like the perfect end to a joyous night to us, but ‘pparently the people of Ammanford (that’s in Wales, people) don’t feel the same love for this scenario as we do.

A dishevelled man, nicknamed ‘Wolfman’ by imaginative types, is apparently residing in woodland in the small village. In between eating rabbits and berries he heads off to thieve milk from the doorsteps of local villagers and panties from their washing lines. Oh and what’s more, according to a trustworthy ‘source’ the man ‘moves with the stealth of a wild animal’. Honey, you had us at ‘moves’.

More pictures of Wolfmen (i.e. hairy chestage) over the jump… (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

The one on the left has just come out as a big ol’ lez. Now it’s the turn of the one on the right.

Kelly McGillis and her girlfriend. 

In what is perhaps the least best kept secret in closet-dom, Kelly McGillis off-of Top Gun has come out as a lesbian.

*lesbians plural roll eyes plural*

Kelly McGillis told, ‘Yes, I’m a big ol’ lez.’

She didn’t quite say that. She said, ‘Yes, I muff dive for a living. It’s quite something.’

She didn’t quite say that. She said, ‘Men? Pah. The womens? Mmmmn, chomp-a-lomp.’

She didn’t quite say that. She said, ‘That Tom Cruise? He’d turn anyone gay. Himself included.’

She didn’t quite say that. She said, ‘I’m done with the man thing. It’s part of being true to yourself.’

She did say that.

*points at Tom Cruise; shakes finger; wonders what his legacy will be, ’cause it sure as hell won’t be acting* (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

And they say dogs are the stupid ones…

Oh you silly pussy you...

*points at ‘continues’ button* (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

In honour of England’s predicted hot and dry summer, we’re going to enjoy some hot and, well, not-so-dry mens…

Red is so your colourBecause this is what the ponds in London’s glittering Hampstead Heath will look like come July… (more…)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

What all the smart people will be pretending to read on the beaches of the world this summer

What page are you on?

Never mind swimwear, if you’re looking for something eye-catching for the beach this summer you could do a whole lot worse than Michael Arditti’s The Enemy of the Good. Which is a *does the mime from charades* Yes, a book.

With a pot-boiling plot about a family in meltdown and a storyline about how big Jesus’s knob is, it races along but – unlike books with brightly coloured covers – is clever into the bargain. And not even in a boring way. So you might, in between bulge-watching by the pool, you know, actually read it!

With a big-up by one of our favourites, Philip Pullman, he of His Dark Materials fame, it has one last selling-point: there is lots of white space on the cover for phone numbers.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Is this one of the world’s 100 most beautiful people? We bloody well hope not!

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful

Now, don’t get us wrong. We j’adore Michelle Obama. Je won’t hear a word against her (though she needs to keep her paws off Her Majesty. Tsk tsk). And we’d probably do her husband in a Monica Lewinsky style and fashion, though you won’t be catching us in GAP anytime soon…

But when we hear she’s been voted one of the 100 Most Beautiful People in the World (all capital letters!) by the esteemed People magoizine, then we have to step up to the plate – whatever ‘the plate’ is – and say a plain old fashioned, we don’t think so.

Firstly, why are we judging someone of her calibre and talent and what-have-you on looks? It may be all Halle Berry or Christina Applegate need to get by but this is like one of the Top Three Ladies. Some say First!

Secondly, she is a bit of what is known in the good old U of K as a Honey Monster (based on a cartoon character used to sell Sugar Puffs who was very tall with very broad shoulders) and thirdly, just, no. Sorry. Not having it.

‘I grew up with very strong male role models who thought I was smart and fast and funny, so I heard that a lot,’ quoth Michelle in People. And we certainly get that and consider it to be more important than beautiful. Any fool can be beautiful. Look at Princess Diana! ‘I know that there are many young girls who don’t hear [that they are beautiful]. But I was fortunate.’

*puts arm round her shoulders, sees how she likes it*

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Oh, get over yourself dolly!

Get you, girl!

Oh, yeah, we’re really scared. By a dolly in a hoody! Honestly, it’s more French Lieutenant’s Woman than ghetto. But then maybe that’s appropriate bearing in mind who is going to be foolhardy enough to spray themselves with a fragrance called Only the Brave by Diesel.

We haven’t had the pleasure yet, but we’re imagining top notes of petrol and hair gel with bottom notes of bottom.  

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

It’s been *checks retro Swatch watch* 3 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 32 minutes and 14 seconds – no, 15 seconds. No, 16 seconds. No, 17 seconds – since we’ve seen husband #3 David Gandy in his pants. So let’s look at him in his pants now. Could that be the longest headline in the history of high-brow journalism? Probably. And if it’s not, it is now. Or maybe now. Now?

Let us help you out of those wet clothes...

Ooooh, inne ‘an’some.

We look like this when we emerge from the swimming pool at the Young Mens Christian Association gymgaysium after 117 laps in quick time. It’s why David Gandy is attracted to us.

We wouldn’t be so bold as to where our swimming slip so low, however. And if you believe that you’d believe Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.

Oh, and this picture is taken from the new edition of V magazine, out next week. It’s a swimsuit edition, shot by Mario Testino. Dirty bastard.

Sidebar: Aren’t David’s eyebrows chunky? (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)