Honestly, we don’t know where some people think gays come from… Space? Gooseberry bushes? Petri dishes? Under rocks? Because we certainly don’t come from families. It’s why the word ‘family’ has been coined to mean ‘not gays’.
And that’s why Amazon has removed sales rank from a bunch of gay books: because they want to make their best-seller lists more ‘family friendly’. It doesn’t mean they won’t be selling gay books – no, sir! Not while there’s cash to be made – but they will not be promoting them alongside books of a non-gay nature. Or a family book. Maybe one where a prostitute gets razored to death in a country village.
‘Oh, it’s all been a terrible mistake!’ lied one Amazon worker, who’s probably been in over the whole Easter weekend, splitting her time between putting out statements and sending out CVs. ‘It’s a computer glitch. We never meant it, guv’nor. Really. But we’re still not putting them back. And we don’t care if it affects their sales ’cause we will still be selling bucketloads of Dan Brown and Kerry Katona books.’
So it’s goodbye E.M. Forster, Gore Vidal, Jeannette Winterson and Alan Hollinghurst. Hello Marian Keyes, Jane Greene and anything brightly coloured or with Fabio on the cover. No wonder your families are so retarded.