So, while faith institutions have always had their own idiosyncratic ways of teaching sex education to the young (usually involving priests tossing choirboys off and worse!), the government has decided that sex education is now to be compulsory in all secondary schools.
What a blow for common sense in a country where teenage pregnancy is through the roof! What a giant step forward for all those kids who spend years worrying about some stupid sex thing that could be explained in one double lesson! What a… Oh, hang on. There are some conditions.
Firstly, parents will be able to withdraw their children from those sex education classes (what is it Lady Bracknell says in The Importance of Being Earnest? ‘Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone’). And you can imagine the sort of sex education the kids who are withdrawn are getting at home, can’t you? Let’s just say it probably involves the threat of blindness.
And faith schools – you know, schools where instead of teaching facts and giving information, they brainwash unsuspecting children into believing stuff that is NOT TRUE – will be able to teach, as part of those sex education classes, that gay sex is wrong.
Any questions about that? You at the back with your hand up. Is it really wrong? Yes, it is. And if you do it you will die a thousand deaths and Jesus won’t love you no more. Next question…