McDo Mum – the world’s fattest ever mother of triplets, weighing in at three Barratt Homes, with block pavior – who famously fed her kids McDonald’s at six months old (yum), continues to dig a big ol’ hole for herself. Which actually is quite a good thing seeing as she’ll need a hole the size of the Mariana Trench if it’s gonna stand a chance of fittin’ that lumpen mess. So help it god.
We digress. The whole world is up in arms about McDo Mum letting her child-lings feast on a smorgasbord of fatty, sugary, chemically treats (yum!), when really they should be chomping down on a Farley’s Rusk and soil from the garden. Not hers, ideally.
Anyways plural, McDo Mum (do you like that, btw? We just came up with that. We should charge) made a cameo on this morning’s GMTV. Predictably, she has an unpleasant northern accent. And Dr Hilary Jones – who is getting a lot of work at the moment, what with him appearing every five minutes on the GMTV sofa to tell the retards of the world not to panic over this Percy Pig Flu thing, in between the GMTV news bulletins which are telling the whole world to PANIC! RUN FOR THE HILLS! SNEEZE INTO THE PIT OF YOUR ARMS, and if you don’t WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!! – had the pleasure of interviewing the woman who, despite being 40 stone and then some, still managed to find someone willing to fuck her. And leave some sperm behind in the process. (Wha? Ha? Ma?)
But the bobby-dazzler of the whole shebang (she got banged, that’s for sho’!) was McDo Mum’s response to Dr Hilary Jones’s prober, ‘I hear you feed your babies Wotsits and other crisps like that?’ to which McDo Mum retorted, ‘I just want them to feel interesting textures. Like they get to feel a teddy bear, I want them to feel a Wotsit.’
Honey, guns are quite interesting to the touch – are you going to be popping one of those in their Hannah Montana cereal bowls?