Is it a miscreant from a 19th century novel, maybe Oliver (with a) Twist? Or is it the man who hath nicked Madeleine McCann while her mum and da’ were out on the piss?

Bad, bad man

Tis the latter. The bad person who took advantage of a couple leaving their three children alone in an unlocked flat while out imbibing alcohols over maybe a fishy supper of, what would it be, anchoas a la plancha? Empanadas de atun? Tortilla de patatas for the vegetarians? And yes, we realise it was Portugal and these are Spanish delicacies but we only have so many languages at our fingertips.

The man, described (by us!) as in dire need of some sort of dermatologist’s help and with a haircut out of Steptoe and Son, was seen four times ‘acting suspiciously’ (whatever that means) near the holiday apartment in Praia de Luz, most of whose workers are probably currently without a job while the Find Madeleine fund has just spent £100,000 on translating Portuguese police documents.

If you should see this man – who is probably called Dastardly Dennis or Micky the Knife – while on a bargain bucket holiday to Praia de Luz where there still seem to be vacancies, do not approach him. Approach the News of the World.

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3 comments to “Is it a miscreant from a 19th century novel, maybe Oliver (with a) Twist? Or is it the man who hath nicked Madeleine McCann while her mum and da’ were out on the piss?”

  1. He looks hot. In a bad teeth and syphillis kind of way…

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  2. He puts me in the mind of a young Dennie Neilson

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  3. Yes, and where was he on the night in question? Hmmm?

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