Now, before we start this, don’t think for a second that Christopher Biggins is a cuddly old gay that everyone loves. In our experience, he is vile. Besides, anyone who peddles that cuddly old gay thing in this day and age deserves the tarring and feathering treatment. And we ain’t talking feathers courtesy of Liberty of London, oh-oh-oh-oh no.
So Christopher Biggins, who puts the ‘big’ in Biggins and the ‘cunt’ in Christopher, has started mouthing off about Blackpool. Which for those who don’t know is the armpit of Her Majesty’s United Kingdom of Great, on the Lancashire coast, full of Benson & Hedges-smoking Glaswegians, out of work gays, some ropey old fairground rides and a permanent smell of vinegar, candyfloss and shit.
We’re not fans. Lytham St Annes – just down the road – is much nicer. They have dunes and everthing.
So back to Biggins. (Don’t you just hate it the way everyone calls him ‘Biggins’ with a patronising air of affection? *makes big ‘no’ sign with forefinger*) Anyways, Biggins has had his own little pip at Blackpool, saying it has, and we quote, ‘the ugliest people in the world.’
Now you may have noticed we’re not fans of the pool they call black, but it’s a little ‘I’ve just won £110 million quid in the Euro lottery’ rich coming from the Honey Monster that is Christopher ‘Get off me!’ Biggins…
*holds mirror up to ‘Biggins’; mouths the words ‘takes one to know one’; bows; retreats, slowly*